The Guide to Going Down on Women

If you are finding the clitoris by feel, keep in mind that the clitoris is at the top of her vulva (just below the triangle of pubic hair up front, if she doesn't have it shaved). Many men find it easiest to start from the bottom of her vulva, where the opening of her vagina is. From the vaginal opening, trace up the center of her vulva. You are looking for two things here. Ideally, you will find where her inner lips come together and form the hood. If you are lucky (and gentle, and careful) you may notice that the tip of your tongue catches slightly where her lips come together. If you do find this, take note—you've found the clitoris. If that doesn't work, try and feel for a change from the moist, hairless flesh of her vulva back to regular skin and pubic hair as you move up. Her clitoris will be the last outpost of moist flesh on this northward journey.

2. Lubrication, lubrication, lubrication. When it comes to a woman's genitals, remember: Friction plus lubrication equals pleasure; friction without lubrication equals chafing, irritation, and unreturned phone calls. This is a bit easier with oral sex than with other activities, since saliva is an excellent lubricant. But remember to keep your tongue well moistened, and be sure to have a glass of water handy in case your mouth gets dry. If you suffer from a chronically dry mouth, it might not be a bad idea to find a commercial lubricant you like the taste of.

3. Porn is not your guide. If you watch pornography, you should know that the oral sex demonstrated in most adult videos is NOT the oral sex that most women enjoy. The major problem is that in order for the filmmakers to get a good shot of the action, the man has to keep his mouth fairly far from the woman and flick out his tongue like a lizard. You could date for decades and not discover a woman who actually likes this. In real life, you should concentrate on stimulating as much area as possible, which means covering her genitals with your lips and tongue. If someone were to film real oral sex, you'd see very little of the woman's vulva because the man's mouth would be covering it. If you've received oral sex, think about what you enjoy: Do you like it more when a woman flicks a pointy tongue at your penis, or when she uses her whole hot, wet mouth to cover your shaft?

4. Variation is the rule. Different women like different intensity of stimulation, from those who can only handle the lightest, most feathery strokes to those who want to be sucked on until your lips cramp up. They also differ in the kind of strokes they like. Some prefer an upward motion like licking an ice cream cone, some like circles around the clitoris, and others want suction on their lips and clitoris. Depending on the woman, she'll have different hot spots. Not every woman wants direct stimulation on the clitoris. Some find it overwhelming, and like to be stimulated above, below, or to one side.

5. Experiment, then find a rhythm. In the beginning, especially with a new partner, you'll want to acquaint yourself with her entire genital area, and then try a variety of techniques to see what works best. You may want to vary what you're doing, switching from more intense to less intense stimulation, to keep her interested and avoid numbing her to a particular move. However, there's a point at which you want to stick with one move—namely, when her hips are grinding, her toes are curling, and she's breathing like she just finished a marathon. When you've found a technique that is bringing her steadily towards orgasm, whatever you do, don't stop!


Tracing the letters of the alphabet is for amateurs. Also for amateurs: having one move and repeating it over and over, ad naseum. To join the ranks of the professionals, follow this step by step guide.

1. Start with broad strokes that cover her whole genital area. Using a wide, flat tongue, lick up and down over her entire vulva. This serves two purposes: one, it moistens the area and prepares it for what's coming, and two, it allows you to take stock of what you have to work with. As you lick, notice any areas that seem to make her shiver, twist, or sigh, and make a mental note to come back to these later.

2. Experiment. This is where you'll try a few different things to see what gets her going. Experiment with different moves, and also with pressure and speed. Watch her body language and listen to her breathing and any sounds she makes to see how your techniques are going over.

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