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Bondage for Beginners II: The Tools
Author's Note: 

This lesson will make a lot more sense if you begin with Bondage for Beginners I: The Rules.

So you’ve chosen a safeword and figured out what kind of scene you’d like to create. Congratulations! Your sexiness has doubled, because you’ve shown the nerve to try something new. Now it’s time for the nuts and bolts of how to actually do some of this stuff. This lesson is written with a top in mind, but it’s a good idea for bottoms to read it too – it’s much easier to surrender when you know you’re safe!

Tying someone to the bed may sound like a simple endeavor, but it can actually be a little tricky, especially at first. Rope might be the first thing you think of to use, but I actually don’t recommend it unless you take a class or read a book on it first – it’s harder than you think to tie someone both securely and safely. And don’t we want both?

Tying Them Up

There are all kinds of other options to achieve your goal, like restraints that attach to your bed or handy devices that attach to your door frame.

If you have a good, solid bedframe, handcuffs are also a great option. I’d stay away from the real ones – they tend to chafe, you can’t loosen them easily, and if you lose the key you’re going to have a very embarrassing visit from the locksmith! If you don’t mind the chafing and love the look, find a novelty pair with a safety release.

If you’d rather not have any incriminating evidence around, you could use a thicker household item, like a scarf (if there’s more surface area, the pressure is distributed more evenly). Just tie it loosely enough that you can fit a finger between the scarf and the bottom, and use a simple square knot.

Whatever you use, the top should be sure to touch the fingertips (or toes, etc) of the bottom every now and then to make sure they don’t feel cold. You can play it off and make it sexy, but remember that cold fingers mean that you’re cutting off the circulation, so loosen up!

More Toys & Tools

Blindfolds are something that go very nicely with bondage. Being tied up and unable to see makes us feel so deliciously helpless, doesn’t it? There are a lot visually pleasing options for sale out there, but bear in mind that a regular sleeping mask is generally every bit as effective as something bought from a sex shop.

Some people also like to use a gag in their scenes. It lets the bottom cry out with pleasure as loud as they want, while minimizing the chances that you’ll wake up the kids or scare the neighbors. If you want to try playing with gags, there are three things to remember:

1. Never put a loose cloth in someone’s mouth with another tied around their head to hold it in. I know they do it all the time in movies, but you don’t want to risk having your bottom to inhale it and choke. Either put a cloth in their mouth, OR tie one around their head – both is overkill anyway
2. If you’re purchasing a gag that’s designed for that purpose, make sure that it’s small enough that the bottom can breathe comfortably. What seems like it’s just a little too big in the store can feel downright suffrocating when things get hot and heavy!
3. Make sure to set up some kind of safeword alternative in advance, like snapping your fingers 3 times.

Ok, now your bottom is all trussed up and at your mercy… Use this time to tease them a little. Brush different textures against their skin, or feed them things. Whisper sultry taunts into their ear. Plant kisses in unexpected locations. Try some of the other techniques you’ve learned from this website. You can even get a little silly if you like - you could surprise them with an ice cube, or a tickle attack!

Spankings

Maybe your bottom has been very, very naughty… maybe they need a spanking! Spanking is great fun either with or without bondage, depending on your mood, and it doesn’t take a ton of practice to get really good at it. Here’s a few pointers:

1. Start off gently, then slowly increase the strength of your smack. Give your bottom’s body time to adjust to what’s going on.
2. Stick to the fleshy parts of the body, where it can absorb the blow the most effectively, such as their butt, breasts (if they have them), or the thick muscles on top of the shoulder blades.
3. Alternate spanks with some stroking and petting, either to soothe the bottom… or to trick them into letting their guard down!
4. Have fun.

If you’ve had a few good spanking sessions and you’d like to take it to the next level, there are all sorts of household objects that make a good emergency paddle. I recommend those silicone-coated spatulas, personally, but everyone’s different, so get out there and experiment! It’s often a good idea to give a test hit to your own butt with your new object before you try it on you partner, though. Some things sting more than you would think!

Of course, there are also all kinds of tools made specifically for spanking, but I could write a novel for you and still not cover them all. If you find that you really enjoy this type of play, check out some good books on bondage play.

So now that you’ve learned some basic elements of the world of kink, go enjoy them! Remember that this will be like learning any other new skill—you’re going to make some mistakes, but if you follow your passion, you’re bound to become an expert.

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